Parenting? the minefield no one ever talks about!

Hi again,
Well, today I thought I would share some thoughts on the minefield of parenting. I don't know if you can remeber the birth of your first child? I remeber it well, how amazing the experience of watching a new life come into the world amist all the screaming, pain and unfortunate mess (thats just me!) My wife was an absolute hero, 8 hours of contractions and finally our first son burst into the world, filling is lungs with air and screaming 'put me back! put me back!'.

It has been 28 years since our first son was born and he now is a fine young man with his own wife and possibly his own children in the future. My son asked me once 'would we do it all again?'. I had to think for a while and although I love my kids, my final answer was 'NO!). As I heard that it seemed harsh, yet as I now reflect back on the total commitment required to bring up your children and the amount of pain and heartache faced when your children suddenly find thier own way in life and then,you become the person who never understands, always makes rules and wants to spoil thier own fun.

If only they knew the truth, how my own failings in life have made me a great teacher in how to avoid the pitfalls in life, yet it all seems to be wasted as your child no longer hangs o every word you share, you are no longer the wise dad wo knows best.

I have seen my son, struggle through school life, confront puberty and get mixed up with the wrong crowd, finally resulting in him using drugs, alcohol and living a lifestyle doomed to bri ng him nothing but pain and loss. And yet!

My son was reflecting on how he came through all these struggles, and he said that the one thing that kept him holding on was the fact that no matter what he did, what he said or how he acted towards us, we never stopped loving him, and when he finally crashed and needed help, he said the one place he knew he could go was home to us.

I realise that two of the most powerful tools we have in the tool box of parenthood is Mercy and grace. Mercy (not giving them what they do deserve) and Grace (giving them what they dont deserve). Being able to unconditionally love your child and never seek anything but the best for them, even when they reject you. Mercy and grace are the glue to holds families together, when expectations have been missed, when they never turn out as you hoped, grace and mercy will help you hold.

Would I do it all again? YES is my answer, because I have seen the fruit of all that we have sowed over the years blossom into fine young men with a grasp of what mercy and grace mean, and that ultimately pours out into everyday life. I also have learnt a hard lesson in what it means to be a parent and what you are really doing. Teaching and preparing the next generation to make this world a better place.

Till next time. Be blessed

A return from the wilderness!

Hi to anyone and everyone that may read this, I have been away for sometime, due to a series of family issues (Thats a broad way of saying problems!). Anyway, having now returned to the bloggasphere, its good to be back.

My time away has given me a lot of space to reflect and chew over what I am supposed to do with the rest of my life (don't you just hate when that happens?). Having faced several issues concerning parenting, marriage, love, life, and surviving the trails of everyday existence. I felt I may be able to offer some words of comfort, advise and support to all those parents and couples out there who, through no fault of thier own find themselves struggling to manage everyday life.

I have found that there is little support available to us parents and spouses who come across challenges in life that push us to the brink of failure (or so it seems!).

I hope that over time my reflection on some of my own experiences will encourage and inspire others to perhaps make fewer mistakes than myself, and live a fuller life, knowing that your not alone in your struggles.

My desire is to be able to offer a sort of Agony Uncle service, although I do not promise to have all the answers (maybe a few), I hope to offer some food for thought and some comfort in times of walking through those valleys.

Well, That kind of outlines my hopes in using this blog, so just a little background about myself.

Married 28 years, 3 grown boys 27yrs, 25yrs, 17yrs old. 1 grandson of 2yrs and another one on the way. I have encountered infidelity first hand and survived, seen my boys struggle with gang, club culture and drug use and now see them living full, productive lives and saved from the alternatives drugs and alcohol could have offered. I have worked with young people and adults in a pastoral roll over the years. Also been involved in bereavement councilling. I have made many mistakes and encountered my failings in my own life, however I pray that what I have learned will encourage others and help walk you through your own times of trouble.

Many Blessings