Parenting? the minefield no one ever talks about!

Hi again,
Well, today I thought I would share some thoughts on the minefield of parenting. I don't know if you can remeber the birth of your first child? I remeber it well, how amazing the experience of watching a new life come into the world amist all the screaming, pain and unfortunate mess (thats just me!) My wife was an absolute hero, 8 hours of contractions and finally our first son burst into the world, filling is lungs with air and screaming 'put me back! put me back!'.

It has been 28 years since our first son was born and he now is a fine young man with his own wife and possibly his own children in the future. My son asked me once 'would we do it all again?'. I had to think for a while and although I love my kids, my final answer was 'NO!). As I heard that it seemed harsh, yet as I now reflect back on the total commitment required to bring up your children and the amount of pain and heartache faced when your children suddenly find thier own way in life and then,you become the person who never understands, always makes rules and wants to spoil thier own fun.

If only they knew the truth, how my own failings in life have made me a great teacher in how to avoid the pitfalls in life, yet it all seems to be wasted as your child no longer hangs o every word you share, you are no longer the wise dad wo knows best.

I have seen my son, struggle through school life, confront puberty and get mixed up with the wrong crowd, finally resulting in him using drugs, alcohol and living a lifestyle doomed to bri ng him nothing but pain and loss. And yet!

My son was reflecting on how he came through all these struggles, and he said that the one thing that kept him holding on was the fact that no matter what he did, what he said or how he acted towards us, we never stopped loving him, and when he finally crashed and needed help, he said the one place he knew he could go was home to us.

I realise that two of the most powerful tools we have in the tool box of parenthood is Mercy and grace. Mercy (not giving them what they do deserve) and Grace (giving them what they dont deserve). Being able to unconditionally love your child and never seek anything but the best for them, even when they reject you. Mercy and grace are the glue to holds families together, when expectations have been missed, when they never turn out as you hoped, grace and mercy will help you hold.

Would I do it all again? YES is my answer, because I have seen the fruit of all that we have sowed over the years blossom into fine young men with a grasp of what mercy and grace mean, and that ultimately pours out into everyday life. I also have learnt a hard lesson in what it means to be a parent and what you are really doing. Teaching and preparing the next generation to make this world a better place.

Till next time. Be blessed

A return from the wilderness!

Hi to anyone and everyone that may read this, I have been away for sometime, due to a series of family issues (Thats a broad way of saying problems!). Anyway, having now returned to the bloggasphere, its good to be back.

My time away has given me a lot of space to reflect and chew over what I am supposed to do with the rest of my life (don't you just hate when that happens?). Having faced several issues concerning parenting, marriage, love, life, and surviving the trails of everyday existence. I felt I may be able to offer some words of comfort, advise and support to all those parents and couples out there who, through no fault of thier own find themselves struggling to manage everyday life.

I have found that there is little support available to us parents and spouses who come across challenges in life that push us to the brink of failure (or so it seems!).

I hope that over time my reflection on some of my own experiences will encourage and inspire others to perhaps make fewer mistakes than myself, and live a fuller life, knowing that your not alone in your struggles.

My desire is to be able to offer a sort of Agony Uncle service, although I do not promise to have all the answers (maybe a few), I hope to offer some food for thought and some comfort in times of walking through those valleys.

Well, That kind of outlines my hopes in using this blog, so just a little background about myself.

Married 28 years, 3 grown boys 27yrs, 25yrs, 17yrs old. 1 grandson of 2yrs and another one on the way. I have encountered infidelity first hand and survived, seen my boys struggle with gang, club culture and drug use and now see them living full, productive lives and saved from the alternatives drugs and alcohol could have offered. I have worked with young people and adults in a pastoral roll over the years. Also been involved in bereavement councilling. I have made many mistakes and encountered my failings in my own life, however I pray that what I have learned will encourage others and help walk you through your own times of trouble.

Many Blessings

Goodness me! has'nt time flown? Already at the end of January and Christmas has come and gone. Well, life has being moving along, I have been away for a while on tour, but now I am home and back in the arms of my family.

Amazing how you sometimes find yourself wishing you were away from the family life, just so that you can be free again. You know that foot loose and fancy free feeling, with only yourself to think about?

The old phrase 'The grass is always greener' is so true. The moment I left home I began to miss the family noises, my son playing on his ps3 (in fact it's now an xbox360) my wife listening to her lastes 'The Script' album, the Tv on full volume in the front room, the neigbours hoovering the landing (thiers, not ours) the police sirens, the shouting, the running, the screams....... Sorry! got carried away for a moment.

Anyway, as a man who having been married for 27 years I sometimes wonder if things would have been different if I had not chosen to be a husband and father, the answer my friend is a definate 'OF COURSE! IT WOULD!' there is an 'however' attached to that, I know that I would not have experienced the life and times I have had with my wife. Who is quite possibly the only person who could have put up with me for so long and me still be alive......

I would not have had my sons scaring the living daylights out of me in the middle of the night, just to see my face as i collapse with a minor stoke (Only Kidding!) I would not have had such deep moments of joy, and occassional saddness shared with peole who love me for no other reason than because I am ME!

I am now back home and loving each moment, we have some tough times ahead as a family, and yet I know we can survive because we have each other. Amen to that!

catch up soon

A Fond welcome and hello........

May I make a brief introduction of myself?............... Ok , nobody objected, so here we go. I am 47 years old (although I think I look younger..... in my opinion), been married 27 amazing years to a beautiful wife (she just looked over my shoulder........some brownie points there me thinks). I have helped bring into this world and educate 3 boys, and survived a father and husbands life of PMT's, GCSE's, and pretty much the whole alphabet at some time or another.



I hope that some of what you read will be of some interest and perhaps a little inspirational or thought provoking, maybe even encourge you to fight the good fight as an average person living an average life , with i believe, an above average desire to make a difference. That was a very brief introduction, however I am sure we'll get to know each other with time. I will leave you with a quote that has always helped keep my eyes firmly fixed on the goal of life.......



'A man is a success who has lived well, laughed often and loved much; who gained the respect of intelligent men and the love of children; who has filled his niche and accomplished his task; who leaves the world better than he found it, wheteher by an improved poppy, a perfect poem of a rescued soul; who never lacked appreciation of earths beauty or failed to express it; who looked for the best in others and gave the best he had.'



Be blessed till we read again



voice in the wind